


This Is The Part Where We Say Goodbye

by poetically_ordinary



Series: This Is How You Broke The World, And How I Fixed It [1]
Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Iron Man - All Media Types, Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Fix-It of Sorts, Gen, Healing, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Steve's Letter to Tony Post-Civil War (Movie), Tony-centric, depends how you look at it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-02
Updated: 2016-11-02
Packaged: 2018-08-28 13:59:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8448868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poetically_ordinary/pseuds/poetically_ordinary
Summary: In the aftermath of Siberia, the letter sits on his desk unanswered.





	

_Tony,_

_I’m glad you’re back at the compound, I don’t like the idea of you rattling around a mansion by yourself. We all need family. The Avengers are yours, maybe more so than mine. I’ve been on my own since I was 18. I never really fit in anywhere – even the army. My faith is in people, I guess. Individuals. And I’m happy to say for the most part, they haven’t let me down. Which is why I can’t let them down either. Locks can be replaced, but –maybe they shouldn’t. I know I hurt you Tony. I guess I thought – by not telling you about your parents I was sparing you, but… I can see now I was really sparing myself. I’m sorry. Hopefully one day you can understand. I wish we agreed on the Accords, I really do. I know you were only doing what you believe in, and that’s all any of us can do, it’s all any of us should. So no matter what, I promise if you – if you need us. If you need me, I’ll be there._

_Steve_

It’s somewhere between the twentieth or thirtieth time he’s read the words in front of him, he lost track [Was he ever really _keeping_ it?] somewhere along the way. He doesn’t really need the letter in his hands anymore, he can quote it line by line if someone were to ask, but holding something in his hands – seeing Steve’s handwriting helps in some way.

Or maybe it doesn’t.

He can’t really tell anymore.

“Tony?” Pepper’s voice pulls him out of his internal thoughts and he spins the chair around to face her. He makes sure to add just the right amount of energy into the spin, just the right amount of teeth flashing in the smile. Everything’s an act these days.

She doesn’t notice. [Did she ever?]

“It’s time?” She nods at his question, her body language is more casual these days than it used to be.

_“I just want to be friends Tony…I want to know we can get back to there.”_

_“Anything you want Pep.”_

She wants to forget him. [Funny…he wants to forget him too] So he lets her.

“The jet is in hangar 5. If you take off now you won’t be late.”

“Can’t leave my adoring fans _waiting_ now can I?” Her look is reminiscent of the times when she’d come into his workshop after one of his long drunken binges and he’d be showing off a new design prototype. Like a mix of being unsure if it’s a joke, and disapproval. [It’s the same look she gets now whenever she’s asked any questions on their ill-fated romance. At least she’s kind enough not to comment aloud.]

*          *          *          *          *

_We all need family. The Avengers are yours, maybe more so than mine._

The line echoes around in his mind [or what’s left of it these days] as dozens of politicians try to pry at the cracks in his armor.

“Mr. Stark, are you stating for the record that you had nothing to do with the breakout of the Avengers from the RAFT prison?” Tony nods once, trying to keep his mind focused.

The line has bothered him since the first time his eyes glanced over it. Which Avengers? Who are these people that Steve thinks he’s so graciously handing over to Tony? [The broken ones…the only ones you deserve]

“Mr. Stark, you know the drill. All of your responses must be oral.” It’s an easy opening, old Tony might have taken it. [Where is that Tony now? Where has he gone?] Today’s Tony does nothing.

“Yes, I am stating for the record that I had no hand in the aforementioned jailbreak.” There’s a displeased murmuring amongst them, as if this information is something new. It’s not, and he knows what they’ve been saying behind closed doors. He knows what they’ve been thinking.

Either Tony Stark is a liar and he’s hiding the Avengers. [He wonders how funny it would be to point out that the King on the end of the panel is actually harboring the ‘fugitives’, how funny it would be to see the indignation and rage.]

Or Iron Man is fallible and breakable. [Rogers knows the truth, he knows how easily Iron Man _breaks_ beneath his hands…how long before everyone else realizes it?]

“And are you also admitting being in contempt of the Accords? That your actions in Siberia with the terrorist known as Captain America were in direct violation to the agreement that you signed?” [Terrorist? That’s new…not wrong, but new.]

“Yes. I am acknowledging my decision to go against the mission parameters of the approved Accords mission and fly out to Siberia to assist Captain America and the Winter Soldier.”

“Explain to the panel your reasoning behind this action.”

_“If you go, you go as a friend.” Sam demands of him.  
“Easy” _

_“I’m sorry Tony, but he’s my friend.”  
“So was I.” _

“Time was running out and I had new information that hinted at a much larger threat. I had my AI FRIDAY send the information to Everett Ross but for obvious reasons couldn’t wait for a green light so I went ahead.”

“Let it be noted in the minutes that Mr. Ross forwarded the information and the Siberia mission was approved in the pipeline.” It’s nice for T’Challa to speak up. Tony wonders if he feels guilt for anything he’s done. He wonders if the king sits at night with Steve and Steve’s family, laughing over the broken pieces of the man they’ve seen fit to destroy.

*          *          *          *          *

_I know I hurt you Tony. Hopefully one day you can understand._

The page is blank.

It always is.

What can he say?

Where are the words that will make this better?

*          *          *          *          *

_I’m glad you’re back at the compound, I don’t like the idea of you rattling around a mansion by yourself._

Neither of them have spoken a word, both of them just staring down into a dark hole filled with debris and memories. This is the first day that Vision has come back into the common area. FRIDAY alerted Tony immediately after the other man had not moved in over half an hour.

Tony entered the area and came up alongside Vision, glancing down into the wreckage where the Vision once lay. He doesn’t have anything to say, [what good are you?] and Vision doesn’t offer up any conversation wrapped in the voice of a ghost.

_I’m glad you’re back at the compound._

“I’ll call in a repair crew. They’ll have it fixed in no time.” Perhaps having the memory washed away will help? Perhaps patching over it will be like a metaphorical Band-Aid over Vision’s wounds? [What do _you_ know about helping people?]

“No.” Vision’s voice is calm and strong, his eyes don’t leave the crater. “Leave it.”

There’s a feeling in Tony that he can’t shake. Like this moment is a vital moment in the Vision’s progression, and Tony can’t make the pain of betrayal any less…no matter how much he wishes he could.

_My faith is in people, I guess. Individuals. And I’m happy to say for the most part, they haven’t let me down. Which is why I can’t let them down either._

What about the Vision Steve? What about how you and your ‘individual’ followers let him down? [Do you have any leg on which to stand? Are _you_ any better?]

*          *          *          *          *

_Steve is straddling him, looking down on him with those sorrowful baby blues. Tony can’t move, he can’t fight back._

_“I’m sorry Tony. I wouldn’t do this if I had any other choice.”_

_‘You have a choice! You’ve always had a choice!’ The screaming echoes around his thoughts but his lips don't move. Steve reaches forward, placing his hand on the light of the arc reactor._

_[It’s just a battery now. You got it removed. You don’t need it to survive]_

_“Hopefully you understand someday.” Steve’s lips quirk as if he’s telling Tony some kind of inside joke. Something only meant for the two of them as the light sputters out. “He’s my friend.” Steve’s hand grabs something in his chest – god it hurts. Why does it hurt? There’s a strange noise as Steve’s hand comes up into sight again, red dripping from his fingers as Tony’s heart beats its last frantic beats. “But remember...” His face is gentle, his words sincere as the heart lets out a few last weak pulses. “If you need me – I’ll be there. I promise Tony.”_

Tony gasps awake, clutching his chest as his body convulses in its panic.

[Why would I believe that Rogers? You were **_never_** there for me before.]

It takes far too long to calm back down. At least FRIDAY is kind enough to keep the lights on without comment.

*          *          *          *          *

“How’s it feeling?” Rhodey’s face is scrunched in pain as Tony flitters around him. The hydraulics are getting better and better with each remodel, and Tony is more than willing to sacrifice as many nights as it takes to get them perfect. [he wouldn’t need them if it weren’t for you]

“They’re better.” It’s gritted between Rhodey’s teeth as he takes another step. It’s less graceful or controlled as the others and Tony immediately pulls up a chair for the other to sit. It takes a moment before the need to get off his legs overrules his pride and Rhodey all but collapses into it.

“Requests? Recommendations?”

“Um…they’re a little tight around the knees. And the support keeps slipping.” Tony nods and takes a look, making the mental calculations necessary. By the time he looks up, Rhodey is looking at him. “Thank you for this Tony.”

Tony forces an easy smile. “Of course. Anything, you know that.”

Tony doesn’t say how Rhodey shouldn’t be thanking him for anything.

*          *          *          *          *

The page is blank and the phone has five text messages.

 

He hasn’t looked at them, just watching as the days pass and the number gets larger. Steve’s letter sits open on the desk next to him as his fingers tap on the pen.

He still doesn’t have the words.

He wants so badly to have them. Shouldn’t they have come by now? How is he supposed to reply to Steve’s letter if he can never find out what he wants or needs to say?

A thought hits him suddenly, for the first time: Why do you _need_ to reply?

 _Closure_ , he thinks to himself. [Closure for whom? You or _him?_ ]

He doesn’t have an immediate answer. The closure for him right? Steve got his closure, he sent the letter and got out his feelings.

It’s Tony’s turn. It’s Tony’s turn now to say all the things that none of them ever listened to. [If they’ve never listened _before_ …why do you think they’ll listen _now?_ ]

There’s a moment at the thought – as Tony looks at the letter.

It drips with superiority, and with false apology. It’s blind in its cruelty just as much as the man who wrote it is.

Tony reaches for it, folding up the letter and returning it to the envelope it came in. A beep heralds a new text message that has just rolled in. Tony stands, picking up the phone and walking over to the fireplace. The fire crackles and Tony glances down at the items in his hands.

A letter that he doesn’t _have_ to answer and a phone with six messages.

There’s no indecision as he drops them into the fire and watches them burn.

And for the first time in a while – he feels like he can _breathe_ again.


End file.
